People have dreams about how life should be like. Some people hold their dreams so dear that they wouldn’t let anyone or anything get in the way of their dreams. They go wrong. Dreams shouldn’t be about how life should be. Dreams should be about loving and being loved back. That is the only dream worth living.
Where are the men? Where are the men with courage to have their chests ripped apart by the blade of their enemy’s sword? Where are the men with heart to kill another man when they fight for the right? Where are the men who actually believe enough to stand up for it?
Yet more, where are the men who conquered themselves? Where are those who listen to the voice of truth inside themselves? Where are the men with strong will who would do the right thing even when the world doesn’t like it?
These men don’t exist anymore. Rajul means a man, qeht-ur-rijal means lack of men.
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In one of his short stories, Intizar Hussain said that creation of a flour strainer caused the class system to evolve. I very much agree to this. The rich did not want to eat the rough whole flour, and started eating smoother refined flour. Refined flour is required for preparation of the delicacies, the food of the rich.
When you strain the flour so that you are left only with fine white flour, you take out essential nutrition contents from the wheat. Eating fine flour over extended period of time causes malnutrition and excess of estrogen in body. Excess of estrogen causes testosterone levels to go down. Excess of estrogen is directly related to depression, diseases and loss of virility. Depression and poor health eventually lead to dissatisfaction, loss of will power, sadness, infertility, excessive worrying, guilt and fear.
The psychological defense to their fears is to start believing that there is no reason to be afraid, that they are mighty and will not be resurrected. Hence the excessive worrying, fear and sadness causes most to loose their religious beliefs. They don’t see God’s hand in anything. Everything seems only logical. Life seems absurd. Atheism comes in. Science becomes God.
Since they think there is no hereafter, life is overemphasized. Having a “perfect life” becomes more important. The distinction between right and wrong becomes meaningless. Fulfillment of instincts becomes more important than doing the right thing.
Even if they do realize what is right, they might not actually do it because of the lack of will power.
For this fulfillment and a perfect life, people set certain goals. Perfect physical appearance, wealth, fashion, personality and style and what not…
Now think: If you don’t let such a person fulfill his instincts, his life will become miserable. To fulfill his instincts, he will do anything! He will pay you to have a perfect life. He will pay you for any stupid thing which he thinks is important for his life. Since a man cannot possibly have everything he wants, he will be stuck in the vicious cycle of sadness and temporary happiness he gets by spending money on things he thinks he wants.
Now look at the world today. We have processed foods in plastic containers which are extremely high in estrogen content. People today have higher levels of estrogen levels than ever before. This leads to lack of testosterone which then leads to a host of physical and psychiatric problems. As explained above, the person goes through the vicious cycle. The corporates running under the capitalist economy create all the foods high in estrogen contents. Corporate sector then makes the medicines for all the new fancy diseases. Corporates make cosmetics, designer clothes, and all other things to pamper a human’s instincts. Corporates run media to show you all the californication. You join the missing links. The corporate world is the biggest supporter of science. They are the ones making fun of religions and beliefs.
So today, people have bad health, weak beliefs, they are depressed and worried, they want to have a perfect life and they earn to buy stuff which make them only temporarily happy. All good for capitalism and corporate culture!
If people would stick to basic unprocessed foods, there would be no corporate culture!!! They would be happier, healthier and would be strong in beliefs. All these things simply go together.
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So how can we have men anymore? Real men don’t exist anymore, thanks to capitalism, atheism and the american dream.
So I had a Ufone T-shirt with me for a while which all company employees were bestowed with. I hated it because it had Ufone’s orange logo on it. On the back, even the brand slogan “Tum Hi Tu Ho” is written. Since I couldn’t wear it to anywhere else, I decided to use it for the morning runs I do.
Now I’ve been getting some extra attention from other people on the track since the day I started wearing the shirt. Many times, when I over-take someone on the track, I hear them reading out loud the words written on my shirt. So after every few yards, I get to listen to the dreaded words “Tum Hi Tu Ho”. x_x
Nahin hoon! and why do our people have to say such stuff out loud? :s Last thing I want to hear first thing in the morning are the words “Tum Hi Tu Ho” :s
Sometimes I wonder how it would be like having a daughter… Not the grown up one, I wouldn’t want her to grow any more than 3-4 year old. I sometime wonder how beautiful life would be with her sitting in my lap and doing funny stuff like pulling on my nose, trying to eat biscuits with her little teeth… I guess it would come with time, hopefully…
I don’t wonder in the same way about having a son… I mean, your son is also a man. When I think about having a son one day, I think about a man, somebody who would be strong and will provide strength to me.
I guess I’m thinking waaaaayyyy ahead of time. 
When humans plan, and nothing comes out of the plan, they think it was because their plan was flawed. But a human’s plan is always flawed, because a human is limited in knowledge. Still, God sometimes bestows human with success even with his flawed plan. The plan doesn’t matter. Its the recognition of the fact, that your plan can be flawed, that your plan cannot be trusted; which is known as belief. When you believe, you say, “I will do the right thing even if circumstances go against me.” When you start following the voice of truth no matter what, you become aligned with the nature. Your desires too, come to be aligned with the nature. When you are closer to nature, your will closes down with God’s will. Hence, submission is the key.
Plan, but don’t trust your plans. Trust God.
I recognized God by planning going futile.
-Hazrat Ali
For the first time, I’m thinking about abandoning this blog and starting a new, anonymous one.
I started this blog at a very strange time. Four years ago, when some events triggered the philosophical war within myself, I wasn’t depressed. The conclusions which came with that war, in addition to the series of unfortunate events, made me lose faith. Logic reached its limits, things in the world became smooth. That is when I realized that I didn’t have a front to fight on.
Even when you have disturbing thoughts, if you have something to try out, something to fight about, you keep going. When you don’t have a fight anymore, and have lost all the motivation, that is when the real depression starts.
That is exactly when I started this blog.
Then came 2008. I gave up. I finally said, “I cannot keep living like this, still I cannot help it.” January and February 2008 were two blessed months which changed everything. Putting back a broken mirror is not easy. But I’m happy that it happened. Surely, this change is not to be attributed to me at all.
This blog has a certain attitude to it. Death, sex, depression, philosophies… Now I’m tempted to write about the happenings in my life. But I cannot when the people I’m going to write about read the blog themselves. 
Hence a new blog…
I however will keep dumping my philosophical stuff at this blog…
I don’t say stuff like “Happy Birthday”, “Eid Mubarak”, “Best of Luck”, “Love ya” etc. When I go to my office, I walk straight to my desk, without any ritualistic greetings. I hate small talk. Just yesterday, I was sitting with a bunch of guys who hardly knew each other. While they joked around making stupid comments, I sat quiet. They were joking, and yet they were formal. While people bond over conversations about weather, I sit like dead wood. If I don’t have anything real to say, I just stay quiet. When I sit down and joke around with my friends, it a no holds barred experience.
I just simply hate being formal, be it social interaction or religious practices. (E.g. I don’t like to refer to God as “aap”, I refer to Him as “tu”)
I don’t believe in words. (Lol, that is ironic coming from someone who is a published writer and has remained a professional writer as well) When you try to express your emotions, you limit your emotions.
This is exactly why I say that I am an honest person. If me and another guy has nothing to talk about, I would make it obvious… If he says, “It was very hot today”, I would simply say, “Yes, it was”. I fail to understand how people can make a big deal out of hot weather. :s
Whatever I do in life, it is totally pure. I don’t pretend. If I act up, I feel cheap.
I just wrote two comments related to this:
In my life, I would like to keep my emotions towards my woman very very private. And I would save all my emotions just for her. And similarly, I would like the same in return. Yes, I am the jealous kind. Yes, I am the possessive type. And I wonder why a pure and a deep woman wouldn’t like that…
Problem is that when I express my emotions out loud, I feel that I am being dishonest to my emotions… because emotions simply cannot be expressed in words. It takes a lifetime to express an emotion… A few sentences simply cannot do the justice…
A friend at work was going through my blog, discussing stuff with me, and I kept mentioning my depression again and again. That is when he said, “Depression na ho gaya, world war ho gai“. (Its just depression, not a world war.)
That reminded me of this quote from Fight Club:
We don’t have a great war in our generation, or a great depression, but we do, we have a great war of the spirit. We have a great revolution against the culture. The great depression is our lives. We have a spiritual depression.
-Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 19
You guys don’t know me. Stuff I write here possibly makes sense only to me. Still you come here and read. You deduce meanings from my writings which I never intended.
I generalize and theorize my topics. Still, every post I write is closely related to my life and what I am experiencing at the moment.
People read, interact with me and assume that they have read every line on my palm. Like I said in my previous post, I am an ordinary person exposed to extraordinary concepts and people. No matter what I write, there are parts of me which remain hidden.
I look at life and this world as a part of a very big picture. Normally, people don’t look at life at all, they just live it.
A friend recently read a post on my blog and said, “You have started to sound like folk tales.” That is true. My life has exposed me to things which made me reach those timeless conclusions. Once again, God created an extraordinary setting for my life, it was none of my achievement.
When I really did have some control over things in life, I screwed up. I failed myself. Every good thing in my life is totally to be attributed to God.
A human has intellect. Fuel to intellect are ideas. A human has some control over how he wants to use his intellect. But he has absolutely no control what ideas come to his mind. Ideas come from God. All a human needs to do is to ‘process’ the ideas honestly.
Lets just say that God gives me a lot of ideas.
This blog cannot possibly tell about all the ideas in my head. How can you possibly judge me from my blog?
Being judgmental is the most useless use of our brain. Be more emotional. Love me, hate me. And do it impulsively, don’t base it on ‘reasons’. How can you love someone or hate someone for reasons.
I am writing all this because some people judge me based on what I write. How can you, when even I cannot? Every next moment gives me a new insight about the moments that have gone by.
Vanity kills the soul.
An ordinary person, born and raised in extraordinary circumstances, exposed to extraordinary ideas and concepts, influenced by extraordinary people, developed extraordinary expectation from self and is expected to be extraordinary.
I am actually surprised when I see guys hanging out with their wives who are hanging everything for everyone to see. I fail to understand why men would want their wives to spend on others what belongs to them.
I think I know the answer now. It helps their ego to be satisfied. Their wives are not wives, someone they love. Their wives are trophies, stuff to show off, not human beings.
Women want female rights; a right to go free from hijab if they feel so. These feminists want to be trophy wives, someone that enables their hubbies to go like “I am banging a strong woman”.
Real love is extremely private. In one of my habitual flirting sessions on the wordpress, the girl asked, “Are you serious?”, and I said, “If I was, I had mailed you.”
Real love is beyond ego. If there is one thing which holds a man down, it has to be ego. Ego tells you its okay to do something wrong, because you are special, because you are some kind of a paranormal being. Maniacs!
If a man is okay with his wife not wearing hijab, he probably doesn’t love her. (Statement holds in a society similar to Pakistan)
Calling myself “me” is a statement of ego. Referring to you as “you” is not compassionate. Combining you and me as “we” is disrespectful. Calling me “you” is an over-statement. Feeling you as “me” is love.
-Stinger
The lines above sum up the great depression of my life. Finally, I can say that its over.
Today I observed something interesting in the park. I saw a fashionable so-called modern and enlightened moderated woman whom you might refer to as a be-sharam be-haya aurat and I saw a burqa-posh woman with a so-called aura of spirituality and taqaddus around her. They were walking on the jogging track in opposite directions.
As they approached to one another, the fashionable one glared at the hijabi one with eye that said “o you miserable ignorant prisoner within the walls of male dominance and cultural restrictions”.
But hey, the hijabi one gave her a look too! And it said “you delusional bitch who is no more than a trophy for men with wealth”
When you look at someone with disgust, you are being looked back too.
Don’t judge. Leave the judgment to God.
I believe God will not judge humans by comparing them to other humans. He will judge them by how much they listened to the voice of truth inside them.
This blog is my shit hole. Whenever I feel bad, I come and write something here. When I am happy, the blog seems meaningless. Why is that bad? Its bad because now I have a whole time line of my bad times, and there is no record of my happy times.
He will forgive me. I can forgive myself.
But that’s not the point. The point is recovering the spilt milk.
How can that ever happen?
I don’t deserve what I want. I don’t want what I deserve.
Like I said, scarred forever…
Only if tears could wash it all away… but I’ve been scarred beyond the point of return and recovery.
If logic and science really did explain everything, every human would be the same. Humans are different. The diversity itself is the biggest proof that there is a bigger power.
What has this atheist/capitalist behavior given us? Now everyone wants to be “different”. Idiots!!! You already are different! The only thing common in all of you is that all of you want to be rockstars! And the desire to be “different” makes you just like everyone else!
This is the big experiment of the capitalist bosses! Make everyone the same so that they are easier to control! Come on people, open your eyes!
Women: I am a deer and my stomach can only digest grass and leaves. But if I want to feed on flesh, its my right to try it. You men have no business telling me what I should and shouldn’t eat.
Men: Hey women, men are tigers, and we are meant to eat flesh. We don’t insist on eating grass do we? We know we can’t digest it so we leave your job to you. Why don’t you accept your role too?
And about “equality of genders”: Tigers aren’t superior to deers! Its not about superiority, its about accepting the role God gave you! Tigers are strong, but aren’t cute like deers! Deers can run for hours, tigers tire out in a minute! Tigers and deers can’t be compared!
Women and men are not equal. At somethings, men are better. At other things, women are better! Be natural!!! And no, women cannot do everything a man can! And similarly, a man cannot do everything a woman can!
This female right and feminism is just a stupid offspring of our capitalist world. Realize it!
Now, my blind eyes can see what others cannot. That sometimes the hand of fate must be forced!
-Illidan Stormage (WC3)
