We want a socialist state. We currently have dictatorship. First, we will wait for the democracy to take its course. Once that happens, we will start our movement towards socialism. So currently what we are doing is: waiting.
Till the socialism comes in Pakistan, we are going to please ourselves by thinking of socialist activities in India. And yes, we are supposed to be the most dynamic political group which one day dreams of a bloody revolution.
Ha Ha Ha!
I have never been in love. I have second thoughts about my beliefs. I get anxiety attacks almost all the time. I love culture. I hate traditions. My mind is out of my control. I think about every damned thing. I hate that I am too damned intelligent. I think about the most undesirable things which will come to me in future. People cry for their dead. I cry for for my living, who are on their way out. When it will come, my eyes will stay dry. Nobody understands love better than me. Its too damned tough. Love is not for everyone. I want to love. I want to believe. I play around with my mind. When I am happy, I feel shallow. When I am depressed, I feel deep. I think about the next 40-50 years of my life, and I ask this question: How will I pull myself on for that long? Death is the road to awe.
Time destroys everything. I think about the future and realize how perfect the present is.
Its the fourth time I have opened this page to write something. Unlike usual, I have nothing in my mind.
The discussions here are useless. People don’t even get close to the meaning of things I say. I start feeling awkward when I talk to other people about things I write. They think they know me and have read each and every line of my palm, but they have absolutely no idea.
My actions don’t follow my thoughts. But then, my actions don’t feel that important anyway. I am once again returning to the same old place where I felt everything to be absolutely meaningless and artificial. I am once again feeling a need for a connection with the hereafter.
I don’t live in this world, and I have nothing to say to people who live here. Only people who feel that they belong somewhere else can understand what I say. So how can I say something meaningful about this world?
Maran tu aggay mar gaye bahoo, tan matlab nu paya hoo! (Kalam-e-Bahoo)
I just realized that even when I think I believe in something without a reason, I have a logic telling me that it should be so because of some reason. I think that is only human to do so.
Belief is without reason. What if someone is born in a non-Islamic society? He grows up, starts thinking logically, and comes to a conclusion that belief is without logic, and logic doesn’t explain all there is. What is he supposed to do? Believe in the popular belief of his society? But according to us, Muslims, that would lead him to the wrong path. What is he supposed to do then?
He is supposed to keep questioning his beliefs. He is supposed to not let go of the logic. Simply put, he is supposed to remain as honest with himself as he was before following a belief. And then, its God’s job to give him guidance. So I hereby say that honest people looking for faith, even if they are not Muslims, are good people and I believe God likes them too.
Honesty is the biggest thing. If you are honest to yourself, its all you need.
That being said, let me talk about different sects in Islam. There are so many sects, each with a slightly different belief system. Because I was brought up in a certain sect, if I stop being honest to myself and accept everything that the keepers of the sect say, even if it conflicts with my honest opinion; it would be wrong. Every Muslim in the world faces a similar challenge as every non-Muslim of this world. They need to be honest to themselves to find the right path. And so does the Muslims of different sects.
Honesty is the biggest thing. If you are honest to yourself, its all you need.
God is not going to put someone in hell because an imam-e-masjid near you says so. He is the keeper of justice. He WILL do the justice. You should stop listening to your stupid beloved mullah and start being honest to yourself. The moment you do something in the name of Islam, that you never wanted to do, you are being dis-honest. And there you go to the dogs!
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Note: I wrote this post because I am annoyed with all the shia-sunni discussion. People instead of being honest and realistic indulge into a discussion which would never have a real outcome. Every one would go away with the same confused and direction-less set of beliefs he came in with. Whats the damned point? Why would they start talking about all these things when they don’t even know themselves totally? I bet most of them have never questioned their beliefs. How can you defend something that even you never realized completely?
Note: Through the period between summer 2004 and fall 2007, I believe only thing I got right was that I stayed honest to myself. Other than that, I have nothing good to say. My context of looking at things may be different now, but it cannot defy the basic message in this post. (November 5, 2008)
Nothing says benevolence like a public restroom with both Indian and Western toilet seats!
From Boston Legal:
Alan: Do you believe in God?
Danny: Of course I do, you knowI do.
Alan: Why?
Danny: Why? why? Because if you believe in God, and turns out there is no God, there is no harm. But if you don’t believe in God, and it turns out there is one, you are screwed!
That made me question: Do I believe in God just because of the fear of being screwed? But I thought I believe in God for no reason whatsoever. I think belief is independent of all logic. Still small funny comments like that can shake me up sometimes.
For so many times, I have written, believing that this is the moment of change. My life would be different this point on. That however never happened. I simply cannot keep myself in a single state of mind for a long time. When I am deeply concerned about something, I make decisions. But soon enough, my guilt sets me free, and there I go again.
My problem is that I have to reflect about every damned moment of my life. So much thinking doesn’t let me concentrate at that one thing I should be doing all the time.
My guilt is like like a tide. It comes and goes all the time. But I think now there is a change. I don’t have these waves a lot now. Its because I have been through a lots of experiences of every kind. With time, I have came to know about my character limitations. My wrong doings are not anything new for me. They don’t cause a lots of stir inside me. I have come to a plateau now.
Sometimes I think if I will go down in soil with all these things. We live as if we are going to live for ever, that we have a lots of time to mend everything. But its going to go down anytime now.
