Small Things in Time

I read the Urdu version of the novel “Siddharta” back when I was 16 years old. It was an amazing story, and I was deeply fascinated by it. The word Siddhartha is made up of two words in the Sanskrit language, siddha (gotten) + artha (meaning or wealth). The two words together mean “one who has found meaning (of existence)” or “he who has attained his goals”.

God made me in a very strange way. I remember analyzing my actions when I was four years old!!! The voice inside me was always so strong and so loud that I forgot about everything else. This world has clouds of doubts and confusions, which make distinction between right and wrong very difficult. But the eye within was so conscious that it looked through everything.

I always regarded my exposure to philosophical, spiritual and literary personalities as the reason behind my apparently abnormal behavior. Now I realize that like Siddharta, nothing in my life was the real cause for anything. It was the madness inside which motivated me. And it gave me strength and courage to do what the rest of the world feard doing.

I have tried to analyze myself several times in order to figure out why times in my life became so extra-ordinary. I always searched for the answers in last 4-5 years. Then I went back yet another step to see what were the factors in my brought-up which contributed to these strange events. But now I realize that there was no reason. God simply made me like this. I was always destined to live a life of insight.

People are born with different potentials. During times of their lives, they realize their potentials and hence learn new things and experience new feelings. I guess I was always too aware of all my potentials. My awakenings came a bit too quick.

And here I am, at the same place where old men eventually stumble upon. I wrote a post called Ancient Mariner a long time ago. I was deeply fascinated by the concept of a mariner spending his life alone, away from the world, looking at the nature, asking questions and yet having a desire for good things of the world. I wrote in that post that I was nostalgic for a past which I never really experienced. That nostalgia was for the meanings behind things. Siddharta too became a mariner at the end of his journey. Apparently, I copied the term “ancient mariner” from an Iron Maiden track.

Here is Siddhartha at the end of his journey:

Slower, he walked along in his thoughts and asked himself: “But what is this, what you have sought to learn from teachings and from teachers, and what they, who have taught you much, were still unable to teach you?” And he found: “It was the self, the purpose and essence of which I sought to learn. It was the self, I wanted to free myself from, which I sought to overcome. But I was not able to overcome it, could only deceive it, could only flee from it, only hide from it. Truly, no thing in this world has kept my thoughts thus busy, as this my very own self, this mystery of me being alive, of me being one and being separated and isolated from all others, of me being Siddhartha! And there is no thing in this world I know less about than about me, about Siddhartha!”

But I looked right in the eye of myself. I didn’t try to deceive it. I let it go through me and above me. It pierced through my soul, but I let it, for the sake of truth, for the sake of honesty and goodness of heart. So here I am, with no more destinations in sight, with no more questions, no more confusions…

My life is a mystery. But its beautiful, and it gives me immense power and courage.

God says in a famous Hadis-e-Qudsi:

I was a Hidden Treasure and loved to be known. Therefore I created the Creation that I might be known.

Hence the very truth of this world lays in the desire to be known. One desires to be known by those who he loves. Hence God created the noor of Muhammad and Aal-e-Muhammad, whome He loved so much, and they were the first to know Him.

God wants a human to know Him, for He loves him so much. Human however doesn’t listen. Happiness of a human lays in listening to Him, so that the human can enjoy the happiness of being loved. Following His ways are a bliss for a human. But a human pays no attention.

God is just. He keeps calling the human towards himself with love. He calls a human in a way which is most desirable for a human, a way which makes a human happy.

When a human pays no attention, He gets very angry. But He doesn’t bring His wrath on the man, for He loves him. He is very patient. He is very forgiving. So He forgives a human for paying no attention, for a human is weak. And He calls upon the human again and keeps calling him. He wants the human to come to happiness that can only be found in His ways. He doesn’t want to deprive the human of the happiness in spite of all his mistakes. So He keeps calling the human towards Himself with love, and in ways which are most desirable for the human.

The man doesn’t listen because he cannot understand. Since God is so compassionate, He teaches a man His words, in easy terms, so that he can understand. God tells a human of how much He likes him. God tells human that He created him in the most perfect way. God tells human of His blessings on him. He tells him how He forgave him for his mistakes, for that is an utter blessing and compassion. God tells a human why His ways are the best ways. God doesn’t need to tell human all that. He does it only because He loves human so much, and He wants a human to know Him, and find happiness in His ways.

God also listens to a human. He asks human to talk to him. And He wants a human to talk to Him, for He loves him so much. So when a human talks to Him, He is very happy and He brings even more blessings on him.

He also warns, for His anger is as big as His love. He is patient and forgiving, but He is also strict at doing justice. He keeps a record of everything a human does, so that one day He can bring all of human’s acts in front of him. That day will be very hard for a human. He warns, since He doesn’t want to bring His wrath right away, for He is very compassionate.

He tells a human that if he will listen to Him, he will forever live in a life of comfort and happiness. He tells all these things to a human, so that a human might listen. If a human listens himself, God is very happy, and He sets a human free from all worries. He sets him free from all rules, for he listens to Him. However, if a human doesn’t listen to Him, he then brings rules upon a human, and orders him to follow them. God doesn’t like to order a human, for He is so compassionate. But His compassion also requires that He brings a human to the path of his own happiness. So when a human doesn’t understand, He orders him and give him rules. Its only when clear rules are broken is when He gets angry and bring His wrath to a human. But He also forgives him again, for a human is weak.

Human disappoints God. But God is very patient and just. So He gives human chances. And He gives him more and more understanding, still reaching out to him with love. Then God waits enough, so that there is enough reason to bring His wrath on a human. And when there is enough reason, He leaves a human on his own.

He warns that if a human does what He wants, He will give to the human, everything that he wants as well. But if he doesn’t do what He wants, He will leave him alone. He will leave a human on his own. And His indifference towards a human is His wrath, and its a wrath a human cannot endure. God is very compassionate, but he is also “be-nayaz“.

God created a human on His own way. He gave him emotions which belonged to Him.

For those who want to understand, there is great wisdom in things I say.

What if a wild beast from the jungle is lured into a cage? Not captured or forced, but lured in. The beast would assume that it is still in the jungle. It would try living by the rules of the jungle. It would slowly adapt the rules of the jungle to the cage. The beast would think it is free, and not locked up. What if one day, the beast looks at the cage bars, and realize that it is captured!!!??? That would be the most dreaded day in its life!

You know what kind of beasts are lured in, and not captured? The ones who are too difficult to capture. The capturers know that they cannot capture it right away, so they deceive it.

You know, there are yet another kind of beasts: The ones who were born in the cage. The cage is their only world, and they have no idea about what the jungle is. They are happy in the cage. They are free and bound at the same time. And they can never ever understand why the beast from the jungle is not happy in the cage.

And the beast from the jungle can understand how other beasts can be happy in the cage, but it can never ever approve of a life in a cage.

Its time for the beast from the jungle to break apart the cage, instead of adapting to the cage. Its time the beast becomes what it was destined to become. Its the time beast does something for itself rather than submitting to the cage.

Freedom is in the jungle. The beast can no longer delude itself into recreating the jungle within the cage.

Say welcome to Mrs. Stinger.

Need I say more?

You know how you associate different songs/tracks with different times in your life? I’ll give a few examples.

• I associate “Riders on the Storm” with my last semester at GIKI because me and Abbas used to roam around the campus in his car with this track on.
• I associate “Ku baku phel gai” by Mehdi Hasan with Summer 2003.
• I associate Stone Cold Steve Austin’s enterance theme with misty cold mornings because back in second semester at GIKI, I used to have that track as my morning wake-up alaram and those winters at GIKI were particularly quiet and misty.
• I associate “Around the World” with how cool GIKI was, since it was played at the first weekend movie night I attended at GIKI.
• I associate “Fade to Black” with my sixth semester at GIKI since that semester, I didn’t talk with anyone at all. I was stuck in some strange mind games back then.

You get the idea. I tend to associate tracks for different times in my life.

The particular one I am interested in right now is this: I associate duets featuring Udit Narayan and Alka Yagnik with travelling in desi vans/buses. These are those overloaded, smelly buses which travel from equally smelly “lari adda” at Lahore. Somehow, those buses always have these duets on. That being said, I must also mention that I’m not a fan of these duets at all!

Now here is the dilemma. I now need to associate these tracks somewhere else. That also includes getting myself to actually like these songs. Can the term “facing the music” explain my dilemma? o_O

I am a guy who looks at things with a great level of detail. That results in even smallest of things bothering me. But then, I believe that decisions in my life weren’t really my own decisions. Some decisions are simply divine. With whatever that may seem to be a trouble, I return to the fact that Allah made this decision for my happiness. With whatever that poses to be a threat to my happiness, I no longer believe in taking steps consciously. Allah is there, and He takes care of things for me.

This holds true for all aspects of life. The music thing was just a funny and trivial case.

Therefore, I don’t need to assert, convince or dictate anybody for anything. I set everyone free because I set myself free. Freedom of course, comes from Allah.

Azadi taqwa mein hai, jo har halakat se nijat deta hai.

- Hazrat Ali

So the point is: Don’t worry.

Through fire and death, from the lowest dungeon to the highest peak, I fought. Darkness took me and I strayed out of time. My eyes stoned and every day was a million days long. But it was not the end. Until at last, I threw down my enemy off my back and ripped it apart with my finest sword.  I felt life in me again.

More to come soon…