I have nothing to say anymore. I know how life is gonna be, how one should spend this life. Then there is logic, which I’m not relying on anymore, because when you have a way to go, you don’t need logic. And then there are humanly emotions… That is where I’m stuck.
I used to clear out my hormonal rushes with logical reasoning and well, with the bitter blinding way of dealing with life. Not to mention that I was a living dead for so much time that I stopped to get all emotional at all! Since I leave everything to be seen while following the “path”, there is no real way of dealing with my humanly emotions. I met certain people at a very strange time in my life, time when I was finally coming out of it after three and a half years. I come out of it, and woah! I deal with these emotions face on! And its something which I cannot do anything about. :/ I want to, but I’m afraid even to think about it. These are the kind of ideas which make people call me crazy… But I’m a man enough to think about those things and for once, actually try to find a way… I’ve been telling myself that its crazy and you shouldn’t even think about it… I even tried resorting to logic for once, to tell myself how this is just a hormonal rush… but logic really isn’t the way to go, remember? So if I say the emotions are not there, it would be denial.
And denial is something I wouldn’t do. By my standards of honesty, denial is being dishonest, even if denial solves the problem… How could I say the emotions aren’t there? Because they are there. But I cannot talk to anyone about it, and I can’t do anything about it.
I once said that of all the things about this world, time is the cruelest of all. I was yet to experience another meaning to that sentence.
So I’ll do what I have to. Leave it to Him. How do I know what He wants? Well, I can be sure about that. One, I’ll ask Him to do all the right things for me, and second I’m not telling here…
