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A Heart-Touching Title
I remarked upon the days and nights of my life: On how things have become, on how I came to be like how I am today, and how powerless and opinionless I feel. I tried to think, but found it utterly useless. His grace had me speechless. I lost all motivation to analyze things. I was quiet, staring at the ceiling… That is when I realized that I was awake. Sleep slipped away seamlessly, and I couldn’t figure out when it was when I woke up.
I thought about days and nights of my life. I wanted to feel the pain of things that I have went through. But somehow I couldn’t feel grieved. The philosophical thoughts tried to pop back in as a matter of habit. But they seemed so totally irrelevant. The only fact of the world was that God is there. And He is doing what He wants. And I had nothing to say, no opinion to form and nothing to do in His matters. He is doing what He is doing. I feel absolutely no role in things He do. Somehow I have lost all feelings.
The only thing I wanted at that moment was God to look at me, and to watch everything that was happening.
I somehow no longer care about what happens to me, how things in my life become. God will do what He wants, and I can do nothing. So fine, let it be that way. I don’t have an opinion or a desire anymore. I am fine with whatever He does.
The Day
As many of the readers already knew, it was my nikah today. This is my first post after the nikah.
Mutmainna
For a long time, I used to complain to God for creating me. Today, I thanked Him for creating me. And it was indeed a moment of deep satisfaction.
It is indeed impossible to praise Him the way He should be praised.
JH101?
I started this blog in September 2006. Back then, I combined my “about me” from Orkut and wrote a few additional lines to create an “about me” page. I called it jh101 under the notion that I am some complex guy which nobody can understand easily.
By the grace of God, things have changed a lot.
Just to show the change, here is my latest “about me” on orkut:
About me in a few hundred words? Am I a line product of some kind? What’s next? Should I also come with a product manual and a standard operating procedure? Should I quote a cost for myself? Is this about me a method for acquisition of statistical data for market economy and capitalism?
Consider blank…
And here is the old “about me” page, just for the record:
Hi, my name is dilemma. This is an introduction to what lays behind the name.A human is just another of the flock, trying to prove all the time that he is unique: an attempt in vain! I do that, you do that, everyone else does that.
Jaffar Hussain that people know of is just my brainchild. He in reality is totaly meaningless, just like humans are meaningless conception of God.
People who know me, remember me for different reasons. For some, I am just another wierdo they happen to see, to you I may be: a manipulative hypocrite, a mannerless jerk, a stubborn and lazy network admin, a lousy writer, pseudo-intellectual, a person who peeps in life of others (peeping tom? but sadly there is no Lady Godiva :p), a computer geek, a hardcore techie, a cyber gaming alchoholoic, an all-nighter insomnic, a hippy, an anti-social, anti-sports, wiered taste of music, a reasonless argument maker, freak out on small things, strange ideas/preferences about life and blah blah blah. You are all wrong!
One thing you fail to realise is that I become your reflection. Yes there is an absolute me, but who…?
Nobody really knows… not even myself… Words can describe logic, logic doesn’t explain all there is. There are sheep, there are goats… Once you enter the goat realm, the things fall apart. The obvious realities reveal and life becomes tasteless. The sheep enjoy life and remain satisfied. The great dilemma of mankind begins! What if logic can one day explain belief? Won’t all the goats become sheep then? Well then I was a sheep who became a goat and then became a sheep again.
If you couldn’t understand that, don’t bother either.
But then sometimes, things take a way around sense… and you come to realise that reason is just one thread in the fabric… Dilemma and confusion prevails… and you realise that your will doesn’t matter in the grand model of… well this world and countless worlds after…
And so one says: Life is not a big deal… Just laugh it away! and believe! I’m one of those who are worshiped after they are dead… or not…
EDIT @ NOV 12, 2006: Dilemma no more… Things are more clear to me now than they were ever before. The rule as it went before was: Clearer it gets, more painful and mechanical it becomes. This time, even this rule was broken. There is a new way which is based upon greater realisations and still holds all the aesthetics and sophistications of a human heart.
A new “about me” page will soon be in place.
Qeht-ur-Rijal
Where are the men? Where are the men with courage to have their chests ripped apart by the blade of their enemy’s sword? Where are the men with heart to kill another man when they fight for the right? Where are the men who actually believe enough to stand up for it?
Yet more, where are the men who conquered themselves? Where are those who listen to the voice of truth inside themselves? Where are the men with strong will who would do the right thing even when the world doesn’t like it?
These men don’t exist anymore. Rajul means a man, qeht-ur-rijal means lack of men.
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In one of his short stories, Intizar Hussain said that creation of a flour strainer caused the class system to evolve. I very much agree to this. The rich did not want to eat the rough whole flour, and started eating smoother refined flour. Refined flour is required for preparation of the delicacies, the food of the rich.
When you strain the flour so that you are left only with fine white flour, you take out essential nutrition contents from the wheat. Eating fine flour over extended period of time causes malnutrition and excess of estrogen in body. Excess of estrogen causes testosterone levels to go down. Excess of estrogen is directly related to depression, diseases and loss of virility. Depression and poor health eventually lead to dissatisfaction, loss of will power, sadness, infertility, excessive worrying, guilt and fear.
The psychological defense to their fears is to start believing that there is no reason to be afraid, that they are mighty and will not be resurrected. Hence the excessive worrying, fear and sadness causes most to loose their religious beliefs. They don’t see God’s hand in anything. Everything seems only logical. Life seems absurd. Atheism comes in. Science becomes God.
Since they think there is no hereafter, life is overemphasized. Having a “perfect life” becomes more important. The distinction between right and wrong becomes meaningless. Fulfillment of instincts becomes more important than doing the right thing.
Even if they do realize what is right, they might not actually do it because of the lack of will power.
For this fulfillment and a perfect life, people set certain goals. Perfect physical appearance, wealth, fashion, personality and style and what not…
Now think: If you don’t let such a person fulfill his instincts, his life will become miserable. To fulfill his instincts, he will do anything! He will pay you to have a perfect life. He will pay you for any stupid thing which he thinks is important for his life. Since a man cannot possibly have everything he wants, he will be stuck in the vicious cycle of sadness and temporary happiness he gets by spending money on things he thinks he wants.
Now look at the world today. We have processed foods in plastic containers which are extremely high in estrogen content. People today have higher levels of estrogen levels than ever before. This leads to lack of testosterone which then leads to a host of physical and psychiatric problems. As explained above, the person goes through the vicious cycle. The corporates running under the capitalist economy create all the foods high in estrogen contents. Corporate sector then makes the medicines for all the new fancy diseases. Corporates make cosmetics, designer clothes, and all other things to pamper a human’s instincts. Corporates run media to show you all the californication. You join the missing links. The corporate world is the biggest supporter of science. They are the ones making fun of religions and beliefs.
So today, people have bad health, weak beliefs, they are depressed and worried, they want to have a perfect life and they earn to buy stuff which make them only temporarily happy. All good for capitalism and corporate culture!
If people would stick to basic unprocessed foods, there would be no corporate culture!!! They would be happier, healthier and would be strong in beliefs. All these things simply go together.
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So how can we have men anymore? Real men don’t exist anymore, thanks to capitalism, atheism and the american dream.
Note: Definitely a phenomenal post. This post is from the initial phase of my attempts to theorize why humans cannot be happy. This post was a huge step in the right direction. Though this post might seem only political, this has everything to do with my life, beliefs and feelings. (November 4, 2008)
Eventually…
Now, my blind eyes can see what others cannot. That sometimes the hand of fate must be forced!
-Illidan Stormage (WC3)
Note: This post was another of those “I have seen everything and now things will be different and better” posts. (November 4, 2008)
Sleeping on It
I love that I cannot sleep on anything. I love that I cannot keep a secret. If there is something on my head, it always comes out. And I love it.
Philosophical Changes
That thing which is the theme of my blog, the humans being inkspots on the canvas of the universe, is completely wrong. It has some truth to it if we limit it to this world only.
What I want to say is hard to say. Difficult concepts. And I am not motivated enough to keep managing this blog. Why should I? What is the point? What is the use?
Revealation
The best thing and the worst thing about exploring new places is that you get to know more about your ownself.
More to come soon…
Times
Have you guys seen how times have changed? There was a time when parents didn’t spoonfed their children all the time. The children didn’t have to “express themselves”. Parents didn’t need to know the “full potential” of their children. The lack of expression made children introverts. Its the introverts who fight big intenal wars and thus are made big literary and philosophical giants.
Since the time parents in the East started to follow the footsteps of the westerns and started to make sure that their children say everything that comes to their mind, we have stopped creating people who are introverts, who bring deeper meanings to this world.
That is not good parenting.
